My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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