3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
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Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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