I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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