I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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