I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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