I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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