Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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