my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
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he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
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A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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