Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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