threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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