I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize