She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize