Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
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I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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