i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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