he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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