her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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