I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize