If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize