listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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