We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize