guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
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Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize