Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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