what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize