Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize