I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
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We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
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id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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