if you like me you must not know who I am
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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