I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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