i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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