3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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