I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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