My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
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some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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