he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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