thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
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There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
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Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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