Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
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he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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