you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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