I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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