Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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