she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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