You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
tell me about the eggs
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