so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
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do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
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You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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