Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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