my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize