Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
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We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
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Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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