I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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