Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
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Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
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I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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