So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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