I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
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I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
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You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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