i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
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the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
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It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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