I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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