Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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